ye mat^2 is taking it down all the time...

Well, living in South London for several years has certainly given me several stories worth telling. Here's one of them.

Its about 10pm in winter, so it's cold and dark as fuck. I'm with 3 other people, 2 bros and girl that bro picked up. So, anyway, we strolling to train station and we lost, but instead of stopping to think about where the fuck we are going, we just keep walking. We end up walking down the blackest street of black town, shits everywhere, signs got fucking bullet holes in. But, because of how fucktardstupid my bros are, they decide to keep walking, but, I turn around and see about 8+ hooded guys all on bikes at the bottom of the road, tell friends, friend say "Ignore them and they will just pass", I go "OK HERPADERPA". They eventually get to us, get off bikes and start shouting some shit, I don't speak African so I have no fucking clue what they are talking about, so carry on ignoring and walking.

They following us now, and then I see one of them pull something out of his pocket, NOPENOPENOPE.jpg, next thing I know, they had grabbed bro on my left and demanded his phone and wallet and shit, he says "no". Stupidest fucker I have ever known in my life. They keep shouting shit, but he responds with "no, fuck u". At this point, I was wondering how to stop bleeding from a stab wound, but instead of attacking him, they dragged him towards this house. He keep telling them to GTFO, but no, these motherfuckers dragged his shit towards the house. My hearts pounding now, I turn to my other friends, and the girl is still there, clutching on to my arm, but my other bro had run the fuck out, so I was basically alone to help my friend. They had him inside now, and had slammed the door shut, I ran towards the house, it was a small house, and most of the windows were boarded up, I had shat my pants by now and I was slowly walking up the pathway. I tried to look through the translucent glass but I couldn't see any thing. So had Braveheart moment, went for the door handle, turned it, I opened the door

get on the floor
everybody walk the dinosaur

Are you sure you're not from west philly?

Discovering Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black.

Laying face down over a puddle of my own blood + massive shards of glass with only my arms and legs to keep me from getting Skewered on some of it.

One time I was in the house when somebody decided to kick my back door in. I was scared and grabbed a big knife, but nobody was there. I still called the police though.

One time I watched Stephen Hawking piss off Chuck Norris in a rap battle. It was scary. Now Stephen Hawking can't move except for his pinky and eyes.

I CHECKED THE SERVERS LIST RIGHT NOW AND THERE WAS THIS MAN STRETCHING HIS ANUS WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN OH I AM GOING TO STOP PLAYING AOS!!!!!!!!!

^very useful if they have a gun. - larslolxz

This was based on the assumption that the intruders didn't know OP was there.
If they don't know anyone is here and they get inside and start getting mauled by a 35 kilo dog while being stabbed at by a frantic 188cm idiot, they'll probably die.

Also,
>Australia.
>Gun.
>Lol.

I had to fight a bear once, i won but the bear died.

I nearly drowned in a pool one time. I slipped when i was wading through it.

Also, Camp Waseega. (All of the girls were like OMG and all the guys like ;o;(Except me of course), I'm serious.) Apparently some dude was walking around the camp and had bad intentions for everyone.

Sometimes the man that lives in our basement knocks on the door that comes up from the laundry room and it scares me a lot. Also people that wear really expensive name brand clothing scare me.

Do you buy your clothes from a thrift store like I do, Kanye?

Would the man that is living in your basement be you kanye? Cause you seem like a basement dweller.

fuck double post

@machete
i believe i was literary rick-rolled :D

I get all my sweaters from thrift stores.

@Noire

No, his name is stuart and he's about 65 or something.

I just realized my double post got double doubles

^ You are so cool.

I ain't scared from many things, but, one time I was alone at home and somebody started to ring the doorbell, I'm like 12 and I got full head of horror movies and then I start imagine stuff..
So, I look at him trough window and he's pretty big and I don't give a shit about him for a while, but then he starts to look trough window, panic started for me and I got out of couch and ran to kitchen to take the phone and call police or something, I really didn't care back then...
But then I was like fuck it, I just went out and started to say shit like ''What do you want'' and he was like ''Is your dad home?'' I said ''No, so you can leave'' he answered ''Don't talk to me like that kid, you ain't that big'' I was scared a little bit, but I answered ''Leave now or I will let out my dog and it shit ain't gonna be pretty'', he left with big eyes...
From that time I'm not scared from stuff like that!

That was the biggest internet tough guy story I've ever read.
Here's what really happened.

Big guy comes to the door
"Y..Yes sir, can I help you?"

"Is your dad home?"

"No, but if you want I can give you a blowjob while you wait for him to come home"

"What the fuck kid? Cut that shit out before I kick your ass to last week."

"OKAY OKAY I'M SORRY, JUST TAKE WHAT YOU WANT AND DON'T HURT ME, I'M GOING TO GO AND HIDE WITH MY CHIHUAHUA IN HER DOG HOUSE"

The scariest thing would have to be i was swimming once and I found a king snake or a coral snake in the water, i picked and it opening its mouth and extended its fangs, it was an oh shit moment and I ended up throwing it back into the water just in time for a hawk or an eagle to swoop down and grab it.

I didn't get bit so it doesn't matter what it was.

@ Master Paradox
Did that happened to you? :]

@Devas DAMN YOU! i looked up GNAA The Last Measure and even after i read what it was, my curiosity got the better of me >:(

You looking at gay porno, boy?

YOU'RE A GAYY BOIII NAOW! /asian accent

About 4 years ago in my school i was sent out of my class (I was in the 7th grade at the time) by my teacher to get some markers and while i was making my way to the school stationary a huge boom was heard and the whole ground rather the whole school building shook. Windows shattered above me and i fell down. Suddenly everyone in the school started coming out. The teachers were trying to get everyone to walk out of the school in an "orderly manner". As the teachers were gathering the students we saw the cause of the incident. Right outside the school gate a huge fire was seen and a thick cloud of smoke was erupting from a car. Then gun fire was heard near the gate and then the same explosion as before took place . Then again and again till it ended after the sixth time. Everything near the 400 meter blast radius was obliterated. About five people died that day. All of them were guards. I can recall all of these things now but back then i couldn't think at all during this incident all i could do was feel my heart thump against my chest for a full half an hour.

What country do you live in maelstrom?

I live in Pakistan

WHen i was doing a ding dong ditch prank with my friends and one of my idiotic friends threw a water balloon at a guys car and the alarm went off