You die to aids
I wish I dont have aids

(what's wrong with that? I'm not much of a mobile tech nerd. In fact, I know nothing about phones at all)

You get one with slightly off meat from one of those mexican food trucks. (they save bad meat for whitey)

I wish I knew how to speak another language.

YOUR TOO SLOW

IT'S "YOUR'RE"

you're mother

You're mother explodes.

I wish for 3 more wishes.

You get 3 more wishes, but you are forced to hurt your body with them.

I wish my marijuana plant would grow faster.

Your marijuana plant gets robbed (by me).
I wish i had of rolled this joint better ://

You do, but then your joint loses it's originality.

I wish the stoners I knew weren't so fucking fat and ugly and lazy.

But they are
I wish I didn't have to edit this because I was too slow

You are now Tails
I don't want to be forever alone

You're forever mad.

I wish I had some Alcohol.

You get rubbing alcohol.
I wish I had something to do

You do your mom.

I wish I could transform.

you now transform to a giant dick
I wish everyone wasnt drunk.

everyone is pissed off and sober.

I wish I wasn't a giant dick.

you are now a giant ass
i wish that my wish isnt wrecked.

Your wish wrecks.

I wish I had a full bottle of vodka filled with vodka and I could get happily drunk with nothing bad ever happening.

You go crazy because your drunk, cut of your arm and swear youll never drink again
I wish Lexsym wasnt drunk.

i wish my wish was not granted

Your wish WAS granted and now Lexsym is sleeping on your couch.

I wish you would molest her so I could videotape it.

Wish granted, but your camcorder has run out of batteries.

I wish that Bananas were apples.

LOL Granted. But Lexsym slaps you in the face as soon as she finds out you video taped it.
EDIT: Ninja'd

Granted. But apples are yellow and bananas are GREEN

(There really are yellow apples and green bananas, though)
You had no wish to grant, so suck my toes.

I wish I could make tea as good as Arizona.

granted, but you spill it on Lexsym when shes on my couch and she screams like a man would.
Then she takes a bottle of alcohol and breaks it on your face.
I wish Lexsym was not at my house.

She never was. You've just woken up from a horrible nightmare in which you were being tortured by her with toothpicks under your fingernails.

I wish I had a machine that created any food I wanted 3 times a day and I could eat it as long as I never shared it with anybody.

Tiny portions

I wish I was a gundam

Whats a gundam?

I wish Lexsym didnt sleep with my brother.

Granted, Lexsym slept with jesus instead.

I wish that there was a kitten dispenser outside my house on the front lawn.