You become so lazy you die to whole body failure.

I wish I knew how to program.

You now have loads of time, but soon discover all you can do with it is spend time looking at forums and masturbate because everything else is boring.

Edit: You now know how to program, in a language nobody uses anymore.

I wish every troll would get their hands chopped off.

Every troll gets their hands chopped off, and each hand is now in your bedroom.

I wish I wouldn't die to whole body failure because I became so lazy from wishing for more time for myself.

You now become an active, normal human being, and realize moderating a forum and spending time on the internet in general is a complete waste of time, and you are constantly out and about, gaining friends and generally living a wonderful life.

If all of that sounded truly bad to you, as it did to me, then you are an incurable internet wastoid.

I wish I could access the internet within my brain whenever I wanted, and any site I wanted to go to.

You die from pop up ads popping up while driving.

I wish my socks wouldn't get brown so quickly.

I even refreshed before posting so i wouldn't get beat to it and then i see both of our post posted 0 sec ago.

LOL we posted at the exact same time.

Your socks now get yellow even quicker then they got brown.

I wish I had ankle toesocks.

Your ankle toe socks come, but gypsies steal them.

I wish I had a cool tag under my name.

(DANGIT LATE AGAIN)
@K-C Your mind overloads from all the information of the internet.

@F-I they are now so pure white you blind yourself and your eyes turn to ashes.

I wish the font in the forums could change colour.

You do, but nobody else but you can see it.

Edit: They can, if someone made a userstyle for firefox for them.

I wish I had something to do with all these troll hands in my bedroom.

.... You do have uses for them ;)

I wish my HAIR DIDN'T FUCKING LOOK LIKE SHIT RIGHT BEFORE I NEED TO GO OUT.

Your hair now looks like vomit&piss.

I wish I could read peoples minds.

You are now a white man with perfectly manageable hair.

Fuck. You can only read MY mind.

I wish pokemon games had difficulty modes.

Pokemon is stuck with only two difficulty options: Hard and Hardcore. Every opponent has god strength.

I wish people would stop complaining about Ace of Spades.

WEL FUCK YOUR SHIT SIR
I wish I had another cat

You become a crazy-cat-lady.

I wish my teacher would tie my shoes.

Your teacher now rapes you daily after school, in addition to tying your shoes.

(I've played Touhoumon insane, that's about like every opponent having god strength)

I wish I didn't have to use the bathroom ever.

You , instead, use the sink (in the kitchen).

I wish I could make wittier responses.

You are now a god at writing witty responses, but everybody hates you for them, eventually hunting you down and killing you. They cut your hands off and send them to my house, which I use to do naughty things with.

I wish that would really happen.

My hands get tired of spanking you so they slap your face a few times and run away like that hand from that movie. I still control them.

I wish someone gets in trouble with me witnessing it and lmaoing.

what
I wish I understood the fuck is going on

You now understand and wish you hadn't wished to understand.

That was your wish, so now you don't understand anything anymore and go through life being confused.

I wish I had some peanutbutter and jelly.

NO FUCKING BREED

I wish I could cure Kaede-chan's deep sadness. No homo.

You cure it but with homo.

I wish people knew it is okay to be gay.

I can't ruin that wish. That would be splendid.

I wish that the bike ride I just went on lasted ~4eva~

You have that same bike ride for all eternity except Satan is trying to rupture your ass with his flaming cock........IN HELL.

I wish I stopped having nightmares every night.

You just don't sleep anymore and die from sleep deprivation in a few days.

I wish that some people would leave me alone on this forum...

Everyone everywhere leaves you alone, causing you to be forever alone.

I wish I could dream more then once every few months.

You now have a nightmares every night and in one of them you have a heart attack causing you to die.

I wish I was alive.

You are alive, but buried alive.
I wish you guys would stop staring at me.

Now nobody pays attention to you.

I wish people would realize it doesn't matter whether I'm male or female. It's not like you'll ever be here for me. ;_;